those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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