I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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