ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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