if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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