Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Ladies don't puke and tell
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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