I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Damn victory sex feels great
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize