Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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