So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I looked at my own cervix.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
