a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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