Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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