i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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