i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
