i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
