eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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