who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
