also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
