so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
