he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
only if we run a train.
done.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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