im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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