There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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