My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
