Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
