I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the day after is always just damage control
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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