So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
