Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
