Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
