Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
