k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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