He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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