I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
