Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I supernannyed him into submission
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
