I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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