Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
