you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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