i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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