i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize