he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize