i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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