I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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