I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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