so explain again why im purple
no
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
