I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
