Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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