yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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