if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
