So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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