Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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