we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
