5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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