I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
