better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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