If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
jump out the window naked night went bad
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize