this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
