is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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