who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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