Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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