I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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