He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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