Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
