I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize