gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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