I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
