apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize