Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
