Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize