i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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