So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
