Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
