just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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