I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
