Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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