I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
